Raw Feelings

I write my feelings...I hope you don't mind.

Just finished a call with a Rapamune Assistant Program agent...

depressing.

We were denied assistance.

Why because we aren't "poor enough."

I just can't get those words out of my head.

"...not poor enough."

This medication is going to cost $600+ a month on top of his $120 a month med.

In tears, but he won't know it.

This is not how I wanted to start my week off.  Last week was rough enough.

After leaving Alex's many appointments we came away with...

No surgery (yet), using a drug to reduce the size of his tumor & "oh by the way that thing on the back of his head, we are concerned about that and don't know what it is....we need to do a biopsy."

*BIG sigh*

I watch the people coming into the oncology office awaiting their turn for chemo and I say,  my God, how do they do it?  How does a mother stay home, care for her many kids ( I only have two) and afford the many rounds of chemo for one?

My heart aches.  I watch my dear sweet husband work so hard.  I see in my sweet boy, so much hope and the agony of my little man, just needing the attention and here I am so wrapped up in all of this bureaucracy with pharmaceuticals and insurance. 

I am tired and realizing I may have to go back to work.

What more can I do, dear Lord?  I place this at your feet.  I plead to you for your mercy and yet I am willing to accept thy will.  Please help me have the faith.

I need to have the faith.